February 2009
28 posts
Is your facebook addiction properly fed? part III
The basic definition (1) of the Internet is a vast series of tubes and servers and other servers and other tubes and mice on wheels that comprise to make up a series of “websites.” These “websites” are made up of logarithms, numbers, duct tape, and good ol’ fashion elbow grease that serve as a link for the consumer to the data in which the user is trying to access. Many times, this data in...
A guide to "Mike's Guide"
When Al Gore created the internet, I am quite sure his intent wasn’t for the net to be filled with porn, facebook, porn, and more porn. However, that is exactly what the internet has become. It is a place for dirty images, dirty video, and lists of 25 things that nobody gives a shit about. The state of the internet is at a grave point good readers, but fear not, you have now truly entered a new...
A guide to writing your own humor column
This article was originally published in the June 5th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Many times, “Dead Week” really means nothing to Cal Poly students. Some might think it is a week where you pretty much are dead with exams and papers due, while others claim that it means that professors aren’t supposed to have anything due during the week. The real reason though, is quite...
A guide to what I've learned in college
This article was originally published in the May 29th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
With just a few weeks left of school, I feel like it is important for me to reflect upon the four years that I spent at Cal Poly. Now that I am graduating, I feel like I should look back on the time I was here and think back on what I learned, as I can now use these things for the future. Since you have been...
Getting legit with the latest epic slang
This article was originally published in the May 22nd, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
As a loyal reader of my articles, you would know that it was my birthday just a few weeks ago. With my birthday, I became the ripe old age of 22. With this old age, I have noticed that there are just some things I can no longer relate to when it comes to the younger generation. Namely, I feel like I just...
How to organize your own campaign
This article was originally published in the May 8th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Man, I’ll tell you, with the election Wednesday and Thursday, I sure have been on the edge of my seat. The ever so important ASI changing of the guard will be taking place, and if there is one thing I’m absolutely sure of in life, it is knowing how important these elections are (1). I mean, it...
How to not be a jackass with friends
This article was originally published in the April 24th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Randy Newman once sang the lyrics,”You’ve got a friend in me. When the road looks rough ahead and you’re miles and miles from your nice warm bed, just remember what your old pal said - boy you’ve got a friend in me.” Ah, what nice lyrics from such a nice song on the subject of...
Forget Poly Reps; take the campus tour with Mike
This article was originally published in the April 17th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Springtime on campus means a few things. The excuse for not going to class because “the weather is just, OMG, so nice outside” is somehow valid. And the other thing is that there are campus tours everywhere. Now don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy seeing these tours on a daily basis, and...
Do more than slick your hair for the next job fair
This article was originally published in the April 10th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
As a journalism major, I’m accustomed to a few things. These range from getting weird looks from people outside of San Luis Obispo when I tell them I’m not an engineering or architecture student even though I go to a “polytechnic” school, all the way to the lack of real studying that...
How to lose to a girl and take it like a man
This article was originally published in the April 3rd, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
There was more on the line in the Georgetown versus Ohio State NCAA basketball game Saturday than I ever would have imagined. It came down to me not caring at all about the pools I was in and I really didn’t care at all about who I ended up beating. While my bracket was good and still finished pretty...
How to create a current-day sitcom
This article was originally published in the March 13th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Let’s face it - the state of current television sucks. There is really no other way to say it. Our most popular shows are reality shows like “American Idol” and “Deal or No Deal,” and while these are forms of mindless entertainment (1), the art of the TV sitcom has surely been...
Is your facebook addiction properly fed? Part II
This article was originally published in the March 6th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
There are only a few things that college students really spend a lot of time doing. One is procrastinating from doing anything productive like studying and the other is spending all day on facebook. Because of this, I feel that it is necessary to give you the Part 2 to your facebook addiction, to make sure...
How to make small talk with students
This article was originally published in the February 27th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Small talk: noun - What is bound to always happen when two or more people come together who don’t really want to talk to each other and have to come up with something forcefully to talk about. There, my friend, is the basis for this week’s “Guide to Life.” I’m about to break...
How to be a stellar political columnist
This article was originally published in the February 20th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
If there is one thing that college students really dislike, it would have to be midterms. If there is one thing that I really dislike (1), it would have to be ice skating. If there is one thing that liberal students (and I’m sure even some conservative students) at Cal Poly dislike, it would have...
Write your own Valentine's Day poem
This article was originally published in the February 13th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. It is a holiday about love, but the problem with the holiday is that so many people in this world totally hate it. For some, it is extreme bitterness about the whole thing; to others it is just a day where you have to tell someone how much you care about him or her. As...
How to avoid being the party's jackass
This article was originally published in the February 6th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Last quarter I told you about how annoying some people could get in class (1). As a follow-up, I’m going to provide you with a “Guide to Life” to prevent you from also being an annoying jackass at parties. Although we’re already in winter quarter, it is amazing to me how people...
How to create a celebrity scandal
This article was originally published in the January 30th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Turn on a television and what do you see? (1) That’s right, people who have little talent, lots of money, and a whole lot of problems. I’m talking the Paris Hiltons, Britney Speares and Lindsay Lohans of the world. The only problem with these ladies though, is that the act is getting kind of...
Mike's checklist for new relationships
This article was originally published in the January 23rd, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
For the last year and a half and - I don’t know - two days, I was a single man. I lived my life without the responsibility of having a girlfriend. But just recently, I am back off the market, and am now in a relationship. It is a new time for me, as I must adjust to life with this new girl by my...
How to start calling shotgun like a pro
This article was originally published in the January 16th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
Well, everyone has their way to do it. Some are quicker than others, so in the end really, only one person prevails. Of course, I’m talking about the shotgun. Now, hold on college boy and college girl, because I’m not talking about shotgunning a beer, but rather the ever so important...
A man's guide to proper bathroom etiquette
This article was originally published in the January 9th, 2007 edition of The Mustang Daily
First of all, welcome back from break. Hope it was a good one. You still look good as ever, and sure haven’t lost your charm. Glad we got that small talk out of the way, because I want to get straight to this week’s topic with, well, the most literal meaning of “potty humor” that I...
WWJD? Spin the dreidel and schmooze
This article was originally published in the December 9th, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
‘Tis the season to be jolly, unless, well, you’re not into all the media-hyped holiday festivities that go on. ‘Tis also the article where I promise that for the rest of the “Guides to Life” I ever write, I will never use the word “‘tis” again. So, I might...
How to tell better jokes with Mike's advice
This article was originally published in the December 1st, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Another “Guide to Life.” Another “Guide to Life” who? Another “Guide to Life” for you. That, my friends, is one of the worst jokes that one could probably ever come up with. The setup was horrible, the punchline was even worse, and the...
WTF R U AIMing w/a severe acronym prob?
This article was originally written in the November 17th, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
If you’re anything like me, you spend countless hours on AOL Instant Messenger. I mean really, why would anybody want to have any kind of face to face interaction with anybody anymore when you can just type to people online instead (1)? Again, the problem is that with so many other things going on,...
Is your facebook addiction properly fed?
This article was originally published in the November 9th, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
It is a rush every single time. It can make you feel the highest you’ve ever felt and then give you a complete and total collapse. No, I’m not talking about my articles, or heroin (1), but the facebook phenomenon. Don’t lie to me, or yourself … you know you are addicted, but it’s...
Ride high by understanding the Cal Poly 'Fight...
This article was originally published in the November 3rd, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
If there is one single thing that every Cal Poly student knows, it would obviously be the “Cal Poly Fight Song.” OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Let me start over. If there is one single thing that barely any Cal Poly student knows (1), it would be the Cal Poly “Fight...
How to pick a wingman
This article was originally published in the October 26th, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
Batman has Robin. Woody has Buzz Lightyear. Johnny Carson had Ed McMahon. To each man, their counterpart was not just there to fight crime, fight for stuffed animal rights, or to yell ridiculously loud but they were there for one other reason: to be the wingman. It is one of those rules of meeting girls....
How to not be the annoying jackass in class
This article was originally published in the October 20th, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
While the release of “Jackass 2” is a hit among college students, there is a time and place where it might be appropriate to be like your onscreen “Jackass” favorites. The classroom, however, is not one of those places. In this guide to life, I will provide you with the various...
How to be a gangsta rapper
This article was originally published in the October 13th, 2006 edition of The Mustang Daily
Normally, I would never want to censor myself. I mean who really would? However, it is necessary for me to do so every time I go home to the Bay Area. This censoring isn’t just because I swear constantly, but rather the music that is usually playing in my car. Generally, I listen to lots and lots...