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Pushin’ rhymes about weight
I’m white. I’m Jewish. Therefore, I listen to rap music. Interestingly enough, even though I am Jewish, I do go to the gym. I’m not sure what the tie in is between all this but I do know that Ice Cube’s song “Pushin’ Weight” talks about how he, “push(es) rhymes like weight.” By the transitive property of math or something, I’m therefore going to rhyme to you this Guide to Life about pushing weight at the gym, much like Ice Cube pushes rhymes like weight. You see people?! There is a connection after all.
*eh hem* *cough* *cough*
So, you grab a towel and grab your gym ID,
You’re wearing one of your gym-only T’s
For me it’s probably an old fraternity shirt,
With yellow armpits and stained from dirt.
It’s ok because your shirt shouldn’t be a worry,
Instead you have to think about the gym flurry,
Arrival at the gym and you say, “Hi” to the girl at the desk,
You see her everyday but still get no respect.
“Where’s your ID,” she’ll blandly say,
Seriously, you see her every day.
A gym though has more security than the pentagon,
Or a southern hick who is guarding his lawn.
You notice equipment sitting there all free,
But the one you want is completely busy.
You ask how long it will take before the equipment will be yours,
“Bro, bro bro few minutes just doing sets of threes and fours.”
He finally finishes his exercise,
But like most gym rats this guy isn’t too wise.
You brought your towel cause you sweat like a mule,
But this dude didn’t and on the equipment he left a pool.
Moral of the story goes like this,
If you sweat like Louis Anderson before the gym make a list,
Towel, towel, towel, is what you shouldn’t forget,
Nobody wants to be drowning in your sweat.
Moving on to old lady in spandex,
It’s nothing I have against you or the people of your sex.
But when you wear something so revealing,
Just know that later appetites are what you’re stealing.
I admire you and all others who are working out into your 50’s,
But wear something that covers up a little better please.
Now, there are many different people you see at the gym,
Mostly doing the weight appropriate for her or him.
Every now and then though theres that one gym freak,
Obviously from steroids the guy has a tweak.
Dude taking roids is pretty wrong,
Even if you’re more cut than the hair of Howie Long.
We get it you want to be like your idol Dodger Manny,
But you shouldn’t be putting needles in your fanny.
Share this poem with everyone – your father, brother or niece,
Until next week much love and peace.
