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Is your facebook addiction properly fed? part III
The basic definition (1) of the Internet is a vast series of tubes and servers and other servers and other tubes and mice on wheels that comprise to make up a series of “websites.” These “websites” are made up of logarithms, numbers, duct tape, and good ol’ fashion elbow grease that serve as a link for the consumer to the data in which the user is trying to access. Many times, this data in which the user is trying to access specifically is comprised of a network of people who decide to pretty much have decided to simultaneously connect with one another while completely annoying the shit out of each other.
(1) If you’re reading this for advice, then my definition must be true.
While much of that introductory paragraph was complete and total BS, the last sentence, in all its cockamamie glory surely holds true.
This being that facebook.com is a website that many people live and die over while trying to connect to one another, but also pissing one another off at the same time.
But, fear not, because there are ways to not totally annoy everyone in the world while you use this website.
Now before we really dive in here, if you don’t know what facebook is, I’m surprised you are on the internet in the first place. With that said, coming to my site before anything else though on the web is as good a starting point that I can think of. Seriously though, my mom is on facebook so what the hell are you doing with your life if you don’t know what it is? As primers to facebook, or if you are new to my site (2), go ahead and read part 1 and part 2 that I wrote on the subject of facebook.
(2) Get your life together.
First things first. Applications for the most part are absolutely and utterly ridiculous. There are a few types of Applications that seem to always appear no matter how many times I block them. For one, yes, I care (3) about stuff like the rainforests, but no, clicking a tree or an easter egg or patch of grass or whatever the hell those applications ask will not do anything. Well, anything except help add to our eventual carpal tunnel syndrome that we will all be getting sometime down the road. Facebook isn’t the only culprit to add to carpel tunnel, but it sure as hell won’t help if we’re clicking a magic rabbit or slightly homosexual tree to help fight rainforests, or global warming, or aids or whatever the hell those “causes applications” are asking for.
(3) Somewhat
If you do feel so inclined to have those applications on your profile, try keeping those to yourself (4), and try to make yourself feel better that YOU single handedly will be stopping world hunger by sitting at your computer clicking on these applications all day long.
(4) Seriously mom how many times do I have to reject these
On the same line as applications, I don’t care to throw drinks at you or be a part of your ninja clan or superpoke you (5), so you probably shouldn’t ask me or anyone else(6).
(5) Mom, really I don’t even know what that means and I’m sure you don’t either.
(6) and if you accept one of these from my Mom I will find you. And hurt you.
Moving on. Privacy settings are important for the world of facebook. A few reasons deal with this. One, you surely have that one classmate or person at your work or family member (7) who has added you on facebook against your will. While you can reject him or her, sometimes it might be better to accept the request because well, you might have to see this person every day (8). Make sure that any and all things you want them to see are allowed in the privacy tab of your settings, and that you block seriously anything that can be close to incriminating towards you or your friends or your reputation (9).
(7) Ok, seriously. Why? I’m going to ask politely. Why Mom are you on facebook?!?!
(8) OR BE HER SON. COME ON ALREADY WHYYYY?!? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYY???
(9) If your profile is like mine, pretty much everything should be blocked.
Lastly, nobody cares what you’re doing at every waking moment, so changing your status to say that you are “excited to get out of a meeting” or “running errands” or “going outside” is probably showing your friends that you are the dullest person that they know. If you really must change your status, make it be something important, like how funny I am, or how much you love me and my articles, or how great this guide was. (10)
(10) Can always count on you for this one though mom.
Thanks for taking time away from facebook to read this. With the above tips, your life is that much closer to perfection.
Well, along with joining this *cough* inconspicuous link 1 *cough* and saying hi on this *cough* inconspicuous link 2 *cough cough*
